How to Kill the Straw Hats for Fun and Profit
by machiavelli
Summary: A Marine intelligence officer tries to plan a major operation. But how does strategic planning even work in the One Piece world - if it works at all? One-shot.


TO: The Most Honorable Five Elder Stars, Commander-In-Chief Kong, Fleet Admiral Akainu  
PLEASE COPY: Vice Admiral Tsuru

CLASSIFIED MOST SECRET, SENIOR EYES ONLY, FAR TOO BORING FOR WORLD NOBLE ACCESS

Sirs:

As per your previous request, I have prepared the attached operational plan. This document was created in consultation with the Science and Military Intelligence Divisions; and after extensive interviews conducted with government and Marine personnel who have encountered the group in question. In this, I am particularly indebted to Vice Admiral Smoker, Captain Tashigi, and Agent Lucci of CP-0.

Given the extensive resources required by this plan, as well as the likelihood of the extensive loss of materiel and personnel involved in the endeavor, I feel that it is my duty as an officer to provide some words of caution. I therefore highly recommend that Your Honors read the memorandum of opinion I have paired along with my report, entitled "Wherefore The Young Monkey: Why Allowing Certain Pirates (But Not Others) To Unofficially Run Free Might Actually Work Out Pretty Well For Us In The Long Run."

It is my honour to be  
Your Obedient Servant:

IAN QUINCY GOLDENEYE III  
Captain, Planning Division

* * *

 **Plan FURCULA MAJOR: A Proposal For An Operation To Eliminate the Criminal Organization Known As The "Straw Hat Pirates"**

 ** _Requirements_**

The implementation of this plan will necessitate the formation of a task force to be composed of no less than 48 ships-of-the-line, 3 battleships, 3 vice admirals, 1 admiral, and a Devil Fruit. (Up to 70 ships would be preferable.) At least one team of Cipher Pol specialists should be on hand.

In addition, at least two experimental Cloud Barges, currently in developmental trials by Science Division, will need to be allocated; these "air ships," like the floating island of Skypeia, utilize the mineral pyrobloin to reach vast heights. (The artificial load-bearing cloud also doubles as an effective form of camouflage, so long as the steam thrusters are not engaged.)

Prior to the attack, Cipher Pol and Marine Intelligence assets must ascertain that the following individuals are at least three hundred miles away from the operational area: Former Vice Admiral Monkey D. Garp; General Inspector Sengoku; "Pirate Empress" Boa Hancock of the Kuja Pirates; Admiral "Fujitora" Issho; "Red-Haired" Shanks of the Red Hair Pirates; "Dark King" Silvers Rayleigh; Monkey D. Dragon. If any of these requirements are not met, the operation is to be called off immediately.

 ** _Operational Area_**

The operational area should be as far from any islands or land masses as possible. Ocean depth should be a minimum of 600 fathoms without obstructions. The operation will ideally commence in the early morning, just after sunrise. For the purposes of this proposal, we have assumed a start date in the summer months prior to the southward equinox.

 ** _Division of Forces_**

The ships of the task force are to be divided into three groups:

\- A Squadron, comprising 12 to 15 frigates and/or sloops of war and led by 1 vice admiral, will approach the target vessel (the "Thousand Sunny") from the southeast.

\- B Squadron, comprising of the admiral, 1 battleship and 24 to 32 frigates of 6th rate or higher, will approach from east-northeast, hopefully taking advantage of the rising sun's position to mask their presence.

\- C Squadron, comprising of the remaining 2 vice admirals, 2 battleships, and 16 to 24 frigates, will be coated in Yarukiman resin and positioned directly beneath the target at a depth of 550 fathoms, beneath visual range. (Depending on ocean currents in the area, the battleships may be required to tow the other ships into position using their secondary propulsion wheels. For additional practical logistics, see Planning Division documents "A Proposal on the Use of Yarukiman Resin Coatings for Submarine Warfare and Deployment" and "Learning From The Enemy: Lessons From Marineford.")

The Cloud Barges will operate independent of the squadrons, though naturally still answering to the admiral's command. They will be positioned above the target vessel at a sufficient height that they will be indistinguishable from natural clouds. The first barge, henceforth referred to as EPSILON, will be equipped with Science Division's Extremely Long-Range Sniping Platform (XLR-SP). The second, henceforth called GAMMA, will be primarily configured for surface bombing.

Constant communication between all elements is to be provided by coded Transponder Snail. Task force command will be invested with the admiral in B Squadron.

 ** _Plan of Attack_**

The operation will proceed through six phases:

 _Phase One: Eliminate Nico Robin_

The operation will commence with Barge EPSILON immediately eliminating the individual known as "Demon Child" Nico Robin, using a Seastone bullet delivered via the Sniping Platform.

It should be emphasized that this is _not_ due to the individual's designation as a Highest-Priority Target of Interest (see "A Report on the Ohara Incident"), but is specifically a matter of tactical necessity. We conclude that this individual's abilities enable her to quickly kill or incapacitate virtually _anyone_ within her line of sight. Specifically, Nico's Devil Fruit powers allow her to sprout replicas of her limbs and/or body parts on any tangible surface - potentially including eye sockets, necks in the vicinity of the carotid artery, and the back of throats. (And this presumes she is limited to merely _visible_ surfaces.) Her background as an assassin moreover indicates that she is both willing and able to use such tactics, but refrains from doing so either out of moral considerations or - just as likely - to avoid disturbing her shipmates. We suspect that these factors are unlikely to deter her if a truly deadly threat to her comrades proves evident.

The elimination of "Demon Child" Nico is therefore required for the operation to continue. Should this fail, all forces are to immediately retreat, rather than risk high-value assets (in particular the admiral.)

 _Phase Two: Draw Off "Straw Hat" Luffy_

Immediately after Nico's termination, A Squadron will raise full sail and charge towards the target vessel. Barge EPSILON will engage all engines, dropping any pretense of concealment, and move at all speed to rendezvous with A Squadron. The Sniping Platform should continuing firing at targets of opportunity in the meantime, prioritizing the following individuals in order: "Cotton Candy Lover" Tony Tony Chopper, "Cat Burglar" Nami, "Soul King" Brook, "Iron Man" Franky, "King of Snipers" Usopp.

The intent of this action is to draw "Straw Hat" Monkey D. Luffy, the target vessel's captain (at least in name), away from the vessel. Said individual is infamously impulsive, and has been observed to rocket vast distances using his Devil Fruit powers. By providing a visible target for his rage, the hope is to bait him into attacking A Squadron or Barge EPSILON, therefore isolating himself from the rest of the crew. Fear should prove little impediment to him, as he is more than capable of wiping out entire armadas single-handedly. (Literally single-handed, in fact. He can destroy a standard sloop-of-war with a single punch or kick. This feat has been documented on multiple occasions.)

 _Phase Three: Anvil_

Once "Straw Hat" has taken the bait, B Squadron will raise sail and move in from the north with all speed. This should draw the rest of the crew's attention. Once in range, B Squadron will immediately begin long-range bombardment of the target vessel with a mixed salvo of KYP gas shells and Lightning Dial rounds. The latter is specifically intended to target "Iron Man" Franky, the Straw Hat's shipwright. As a cyborg, he may potentially be vulnerable to electric discharges. Incapacitating or killing him should be a top priority for B Squadron in this phase, as he is likely necessary for the crew to be able to take advantage of their vessel's more advanced features (including a rocket thruster that could potentially catapult them out of harm's way.)

 _Phase Four: Trap "Straw Hat"_

Once "Straw Hat" has successfully boarded and engaged A Squadron, the group is to retreat south away from the target vessel. (If he instead boards Barge EPSILON, it is to descend at all possible speed to intercept A Squadron - catastrophically, if necessary.) The vice admiral in command should engage him directly with the intent of distracting his attention as soon as possible. All crews are to prepare to be disabled by Conqueror's Haki.

It is at this point that all ships in A Squadron are to engage scuttling charges via remote and sink themselves.

Evacuation for the crews will be provided via prearranged Flutter Kick Coating or - potentially - via the "air door" ability of Agent Blueno of Cipher Pol (see Planning Division report "Tangled Up On Blueno: We Have A Teleporter, So Why Aren't We Using That As Much As Possible? An Investigation.") However, under no circumstances is any ship in A Squadron to be equipped with lifeboats or any form of floatation device. We must leave the target with nowhere to turn. As casualties are likely to be high, it is recommended that A Squadron be staffed only with skeleton crews, preferably volunteers.

 _Phase Five: Eliminate "Straw Hat"_

Faced with drowning, "Straw Hat" is likely to attempt escape. Barge GAMMA will therefore be on standby to target him with the Fruit Missile.

The Fruit Missile is a proposed homing delivery system intended to force the ingestion of a Devil Fruit, most likely via injection or inhalation. Science Division estimates that a working prototype could be arrived at within three to six months, given sufficient resources and funding.

The loss of a Devil Fruit is undoubtedly an immense price to pay. Unfortunately, it is our conclusion that - aside from drowning - exposure to a second Devil Fruit is the target's only likely vulnerability. Seastone ammunition may possibly weaken or tire "Straw Hat," but are unlikely to kill him given his body's unique properties. As a Haki user, he is invulnerable to nearly all forms of conventional weaponry. He has furthermore proved to be highly resistant to chemical and biological attacks in the past.

Even with these measures, it is still possible "Straw Hat" could survive. If this is the case, the operation as a whole will likely fail.

 _Phase Six: Hammer_

When and if "Straw Hat" is brought down, it will be time to deal with the crew as a whole. Now revealed via the missile launch, Barge GAMMA will begin a bombing run from the air with KYL gas shells. Simultaneously, C Squadron will surface around the target vessel and attack with incendiary rounds and Seastone grapeshot. B Squadron will close in and support. As the target vessel is said to be made of extremely durable wood from the famed Jewel Tree Adam, fire should be initially focused in and around the sails and the main deck.

The intent is to drive the crew off of their vessel where they hopefully can be defeated in detail. No boarding action should be attempted. Let them come to us.

The following profiles should be disseminated to all crews prior to the operation:

\- _"Pirate Hunter" Roronoa Zoro:_ After "Straw Hat," without a doubt the most dangerous adversary on the crew. A skilled swordsman and Haki user, gifted with incredible reflexes and inhuman levels of endurance and strength, he lacks the weaknesses of a Devil Fruit user. Cipher Pol operatives and the admiral attached to B Squadron should move to target him directly in Phase Six. His one known vulnerability: he is prone to disorientation. Flash Dials may make the difference between victory and a complete rout here.

\- _"Black Leg" Vinsmoke Sanji:_ Another inhumanly strong and agile Haki user and kickboxing master (as well as a world-class chef.) His ability to fly in short bursts, achieved via the "Moon Walk" technique, might actually make him vulnerable to being drawn off and isolated. Target from a distance with chemical and gas weaponry if possible. Use of deadly force is recommended, regardless of any outstanding requests from the Kingdom of Germa.

\- _"Iron Man" Franky:_ May pose a significant problem if not successfully disabled in Phase Three. A heavily-armed and armored cyborg with unknown capabilities. Science Division is still researching possible countermeasures, including "soft wares vulnerabilities." Under no circumstances is he to be allowed to deploy his giant robot.

\- _"Cat Burglar" Nami:_ The crew's navigator, able to manipulate the climate through techniques learned in Weatheria. She may potentially be able to blunt chemical and gas attacks through localized bursts of wind and/or rain, or mask the target vessel's position with fog. Barge EPSILON and B Squadron snipers should accordingly target her as soon as possible.

\- _"King of Snipers" Usopp:_ Yet another potential wild card. Able to hit targets much further than should be conceivably possible with a slingshot. Both Cloud Barges should expect to come under fire from him. Known in particular to use incendiary and Pop Green ammunition, the latter of which can immediately sprout into large man-eating plants. No indication of Haki abilities as of this time.

\- _"Soul King" Brook:_ An undead musician who somehow returned to life through the power of his Devil Fruit. By definition immune to all gas and chemical attacks. Has recently evidenced both hypnotic abilities (delivered via his music) and ice powers (which could potentially counteract the effects of incendiary rounds.) C Squadron will ideally be outfitted with white noise generators to counteract his techniques. Should be vulnerable to Seastone ammunition.

\- _"Cotton Candy Lover" Tony Tony Chopper:_ Species unknown. Able to turn into a giant-sized monster with immense strength. Reports suggest, however, that his limited endurance in this form makes him less of a threat than this might suggest. His status as a priority target in Phase Two has more to do with his impressive abilities as the crew's doctor, which may allow him to enhance or assist his comrades even in the midst of battle. As they say at the academy, always geek the medic first.

The operation will conclude only with the complete destruction of the target vessel and the elimination of its remaining crew. Given these individuals' repeated history of escape from Marine custody, capture should not be considered an option unless otherwise specified.

 ** _Risks_**

According to our Calculators, expected casualties break down as follows - for A Squadron, presuming minimal skeleton crews for all ships: 216 to 270 dead or injured (decreasing to 192 to 240 dead or injured, should Agent Blueno participate as described); for B Squadron: 2662 to 3366 dead or injured; and for C Squadron, 2964 to 3796 dead or injured. We can therefore assume a bare minimum of 5268 casualties will result from the operation as planned. (The estimates do not include Barges EPSILON and GAMMA, as Science Division is still working out their total crew numbers.) The Calculators have otherwise declined to estimate the plan's overall chances of success, citing the immense number of variables involved.

Given the Straw Hats' history of success against impossible odds, victory is far from certain, even with the investment of resources equivalent to or exceeding a standard Buster Call. Only through the deployment of overwhelming force may we swing the odds in our favor. For instance, we consider the direct attention of an admiral necessary for the operation to have any chance of success, given the existence of at least four individuals on the targeted crew capable of matching - or even surpassing - the level of a vice admiral.

The presence of one or more known Straw Hat associates on board the target vessel may jeopardize the entire operation. These allies include Devil Fruit users like "Surgeon of Death" Trafalgar Law and "Cannibal" Bartolomeo (whose barriers block both sniper and artillery fire); and skilled fighters like former warlord "First Son of the Sea" Jimbei (his abilities and senses as a Fishman would pose a particular threat to C Squadron.) The operational plan may accordingly have to be adjusted or even scrapped, depending on conditions on the ground.

Intelligence has furthermore indicated that former Science Division specialist and wanted criminal Caesar Clown has at separate points been held as a prisoner aboard the target vessel. His Devil Fruit abilities allow him to nullify or redirect gas attacks, which could have a considerable impact on the operations. However, it can be presumed he can be neutralized via an offer of amnesty. All officers should be prepared to extend such a proposal if the situation should arise. If not, the official position of Dr. Vegapunk and Science Division is that Clown may safely be considered an acceptable (or even preferable) casualty of war.

We conclude with a warning to potential commanders regarding what we here in the Planning Division refer to as "the CUB factor." Depending on who you ask, _CUB_ stands for either (pardon the expression) "complete and utter buggery" or "completely unexplainable bullshit." It is our duty and our curse as a division to forever struggle against this element, oft without success. We may not be certain as to whether or not Lady Fortune exists; but if she does, we may safely presume that the Straw Hat Pirates possess her favour.


End file.
